CONSULTING DELILAH

While tanking for gas today, and staring at the huge poster of Danish politicians Helle Thorning-Schmidt and Villy Søvndal, both party leaders for the social democrats and the socialists respectively, I hear my Dubliner friend, who is visiting, saying: “imagine to be born in a country where women amount to nothing.” Denmark was not mentioned. I looked at her, I looked at the poster, I looked at her again, and then at the poster again. It had this caption above the illuminatis' heads: “if you have 12 minutes, we'll have a solution.” I said to my friend: “are you kidding me? Look at this woman!” When we had the election in 2007 all people talked about was her designer dresses, her Gucci bags, and her swinging blonde locks. She lost the election. “Look at her now,” I further yelled, while feeling my blood pressure going up. “She's gone totally masculine. Her hair is now restrained and combed back, and she makes the most of the symbolic power of her hight, something she was lucky to be born with.” My friend was nodding. I then said convincingly: “It will work next time around. Apart from being a leading politician, she has not only gone male now, but also consultant.” My friend consented. Then I started laughing hysterically at the idea that our next prime minister will be embodying what in my opinion is the most phony of the Danish professions: a crisis consultant, a konsulent who can deliver a solution for everything devised in three seconds flat, yet delivered at a longer speed. These people are payed by the hour. Huge amounts. In fact, the lesser the thinking about the so-called solution, the more money there is in it. Now, I don't know about other countries, and I certainly don't want to make an obscenely wide generalization, but here, crisis consultants are a funny lot. They actually believe that they are indispensable. “Give me a minute and I'll give you a solution,” is of course their standard line. This obviously implies that we simply cannot do without them. I had a strange feeling that the call for 12 minutes was not addressed to the larger Danish population but to other consultants. Yes, indeed, this curious segment of professionals, who are into reducing clichés to clichés, have become the new templars, preaching the benefits of boring life to bozos. Indeed, again, the only danger around us these days seems to be the danger of experiencing crisis. Imagine having it solved by latter-day facilitators. But then again, if their square and compass will not be able to divide the time by 12, you can be sure that your image will be fixed. Delilah is here to cut somebody's hair, beginning with her own.

HVIS DU HAR 12 MINUTTER, SÅ HAR VI EN LØSNING